Fuck Me. :?

I guess it's just hard to be honest with myself? I clearly know that I am bi. I mean I love vagina, but I love dick too. :/
I moved to this college because I could decide who the real me is. But I got involved in a relationship. This being the hardest part. Things got really good fast. Just sucks. Because Im way to involved with her family as well. They have taken me in, done some awesome things. They give me money, give me so much... I couldn't end this relationship for that reason. I'd feel bad about the family. I guess I just want to be single for a little bit. Just long enough to mess around. Then go back?
I guess this is why marriage never really works, because people want to go have fun. And having fun would be awesome. I mean Im not even having sex with this girl. That is the hardest part. She does everything but that. Are you fucking kidding me?!
I guess if anything I could switch schools and go way far away. :P
That'd give me plenty of time to get away for a little while. :)
Then come back and be happy again. But then again who would I tell? I cant tell my closest friends because they all are close with my current girl friend. And the one Close friend that I have here at WIU would pretty much persuade me to come out. but how do u come out with a girl friend?
What would my family think?
I know my mothers side would be completely okay with it. Well not okay, but they wouldnt judge me for it.
However my dads side, theyd kill me. :/
They talk about all the time how my moms side must have messed up because they raised a gay kid. UGH. I guess the only person that I am really scared of letting down is my grandma. Why The Fuck is this so hard?


Confused. :/